My Feelings...

Here it is, the eve of the day I'll be giving birth to our new baby boy. I know I won't be able to sleep well tonite (I don't really sleep well most nights now) so I figure I would write down my feelings hoping it will help me to get some of my anxieties out. Of course I am very nervous and scared for the surgery. This being my 4th cesarean delivery and the fact that my doctor has told me that I have more than the average amount of scaring and a very thin uterus are some serious risks for this delivery. I won't get into detail but even my doctor said he is nervous for this surgery. But Spencer and I prayed about the choice to get pregnant with this baby and we felt that it was right. Like any mom, I'm also hoping that the baby will be healthy and well. Mostly though my feelings are of excitement for all the wonderful things this baby will add to our family. I'm excited to hear his cry for the first time. I'm excited to see Spencer beaming as he holds him for the first time. I'm excited to see his hair, after the surgery when Spencer brings him to me for the first time I kiss his head and then ask to see his hair. I'm especially excited to see Chase, Gavin, and Wade's faces as they see their new little brother for the first time. They are so excited... they've said that at least 100 times today. Tomorrow is the big day and I'm not sure it's hit me yet. I'm so grateful for these little miracles that Heavenly Father sends to us. I can't wait to meet our little miracle. Until then...